Returning to What Matters ~
I had forgotten how tired breaking a bone can make a person. My ankle is healing. I see the specialist tomorrow, and I am hopeful that I will have a better sense of what comes next. But what has surprised me most is not the physical limitation. It is the fatigue. The kind of fatigue that settles into your thoughts and quietly changes the questions you ask yourself.
When I am rested, I feel clear. I know what matters to me. I know why I am building @redeem_thyself, @7_pedals, and @empowering_parents_network. I know why I write. I know why I record podcasts. I know why I am returning to my harp after all these years.
When I am tired, I begin to doubt.
I start looking at other opportunities. Other projects. Other paths. I wonder if I should be doing something different. Something bigger. Something faster. Something bringing in more income. My mind begins wandering away from the very things that make me come alive. And yet, every time I talk about these projects, I feel the same thing. I become energized. I become excited. Ideas begin flowing. My heart becomes lighter.
I find myself smiling while driving down the road. I live in a very rural area, and nature is everywhere. It is my happy place, my peaceful space. Nature reminds me that direction and energy are often connected. A river does not question whether it is moving toward the ocean when it encounters a bend. It simply continues. The path may change, but the destination remains the same.
An article from the Cleveland Clinic explains that decision fatigue happens when repeated choices leave us physically, mentally, and emotionally depleted. It can affect executive functioning, judgment, and the ability to think clearly. That helped me name what I already suspected: when I am tired, I should be careful about questioning my whole direction.
As I was writing this, I was reminded of an earlier blog, When Tiredness Asks Questions. In that piece, I reflected on how quickly I begin to doubt my purpose when I am exhausted. Apparently, I needed that reminder again. The projects have not changed. My passion has not changed. God's call on my life has not changed. What has changed is my energy level. Sometimes I mistake fatigue for failure, when in reality, my body is simply asking for rest and recovery.
So I am reminding myself of what I already know. I love creating content. I love writing. I love research. I love arranging music. I love helping parents. I love creating spaces where people feel less alone.
My harp practice is not yet where I want it to be, but it is improving. My giant Post-it note planners are beginning to cover the walls. My fiscal calendar is taking shape. Daily routines are becoming clearer. Time is finding structure.
Perhaps that is what my season is. Not finding a new direction, but returning to the one I already know.
When you feel tired or discouraged, what helps you reconnect with the things that matter most to you?
~ julie
If you feel so inclined, please reply with your thoughts.
Note: JM Lane is NOT a mental health professional, nor does she carry a license to practice medicine. Posts, blogs, and content are based on JM Lane’s personal experiences, perceptions, and reflections. By no means does any material convey what others should or should not do.
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