Conflict ~

I have been reflecting on the conflict that has been going on in our country for months now. However, with the recent situation in Los Angeles, I am saddened even more so. This weekend our nation will experience protests across the country. I have caught glimpses of commentary on my listservs and feeds but not much about the facts. I recently signed up for 1440. 1440 is “Fact-driven news and knowledge to deepen your understanding of the world. By humans, for humans.” It’s free and there is no commentary. It’s just the facts. When I read the facts about the Los Angeles protests, it seems that we are piling on top of an issue that can be easily dealt with by local law enforcement. So, where am I going with  this? Well, probably not where you are thinking.

This situation, in my opinion, seems to have gotten out of control; making a mountain out of a mole hill. It causes me to pause and reflect on so many situations where conflict has occurred in my own life or when others have made more drama than necessary to resolve conflict. I spent many of my teaching years in high school special education. I also had two teenage daughters at the time. Cell phones, Myspace, texting, and Facebook were all just coming to the forefront. The amount of time and energy being put into these communication tools was incredible. What was even more incredible to me was that as we moved more and more away from having a conversation with someone, face to face using our mouths instead of our fingers to type/text, the more convoluted things became. People started reading so much into what was not on the page. Responses were not instantaneous so as one would wait for a response, the other would begin to ponder why it was taking so long to get back to them. Was there something wrong? Had they done something wrong? The grapevine of gossiping that was occurring across texts, instant messenger, emails, posts, who followed who. Oh my goodness. Oh the drama. 

Although not much drama happened with my daughters. I can say I learned a lot from them as I tried to navigate this new world with my 150 students who were all going through puberty, adolescence, and life. I also learned the value in stepping back and not sending anything electronically or even speaking directly with someone when I was upset. I have kept that rule to this very day. Now, let’s flip the coin a bit.

Let’s add conflict to the mix of having complex PTSD. Do you flee, fight, freeze, or fawn…or any of the other terms that are now being used to describe our trauma response? (Click reply below and let me know.) Hiding behind a screen actually gives me great comfort. However, it is debilitating, too. If I am to heal, I have to learn to engage in conversations that are controversial. That is just part of life. None of us will ever see eye to eye on everything. It is, however, how we handle ourselves in those situations that matter. I am still in a headspace that requires me to very purposefully go through several questions from my DBT and EMDR work when I find myself in an uncomfortable space or conversation. The questions I ask myself help me to decide if I need to leave or if I need to press into the situation so that I can experience it in a healthy manner. The more I practice doing this the more I will heal. In a nutshell, I need to look at the facts that are around me and step back from the emotions, the commentary that is playing in my head.

Oh, and I flee, fawn, and freeze. It all depends on the situation. A fighter I am not!

Food for thought ~ julie

If you feel so inclined, please reply with your thoughts.

Note: JM Lane is NOT a mental health professional, nor does she carry a license to practice medicine. Posts, blogs, and content are based on JM Lane’s personal experiences, perceptions, and reflections. By no means does any material convey what others should or should not do.