Ice Cream ~
I am an ice cream lover. Granted, it must have chocolate in it and no nuts. Both of my parents really enjoyed ice cream and chocolate, too, so I believe there is something in my genes. Both my daughters are chocolate lovers too, and I know my younger daughter enjoys ice cream as much as I do. Not sure if my older daughter does or not. Anyway, I like two different kinds of ice cream makers: Cold Stone and Baskin Robbins. At Cold Stone, it is always coffee ice cream with chocolate chips. At Baskins Robbins, I am very partial to simply chocolate chip ice cream. Now, I cannot just have one scoop. I need three scoops. I remember in college walking to the Baskin Robbins down the street from my apartment and getting two handpacked quarts of ice cream. I would walk home and consume both quarts. I cannot do that today even though I may want to do so. My incredible tiny figure of my youth had no problem maintaining itself. Today, I have to work hard to be trim.
I live about a mile walk from a Baskin Robbins. I have been using GrubHub to have it delivered to my home. Then, I really started looking at how much I was spending to have it delivered, so I decided that I needed to drive or even walk over and get it. That experience had been going fairly well until a couple of weeks ago. I stopped off to pick up three scoops of chocolate chip ice cream. I had ordered, and when I was looking around the store, I could swear my previous husband was sitting at a booth talking with some people. Boy, was I triggered. I told myself that I could handle this. I could keep my back to him while they finished scooping my ice cream and until I paid. I told myself to take deep breaths, stand your ground, you got this. Oh, my heart was racing. I could not get out of there quick enough. When I got back to the car, I let out a big breath and told myself I survived. I was safe.
My hypervigilance has been quite high since my previous husband moved from Montana to where I live in Nevada. His office is just a couple miles away. Where he is living, I do not know. Every time I see a truck that looks like his, I take a second look. I am working to break this habit. It is so hard. I need to get my house sold and get out of Dodge.
Like I shared last week, I have to continue the self-talk that I have learned through my DBT and EMDR work. I did survive that situation. I just do not want to experience it again. Obviously, I have more work to do to heal and to know that the adult-self can keep the inner child safe. She does not need to be scared anymore.
If you have a similar story to tell, please reply with your thoughts. I would love to know how you are moving forward and overcoming.
Blessings ~ julie
Note: JM Lane is NOT a mental health professional, nor does she carry a license to practice medicine. Posts, blogs, and content are based on JM Lane’s personal experiences, perceptions, and reflections. By no means does any material convey what others should or should not do.