Coming Back to Center - Part 2 ~
There is something else I am noticing. When I think about having a voice - a real voice, maybe even a loud one - something shifts in me. I begin to rush. I get excited about shortcuts, about faster paths, about how to get there more quickly.
I know this about myself. I work quickly, I am driven, I can see systems, build them, move them forward. I can see the next step before I have fully finished the one I am in. And I rush toward it. But if I am honest, this does not come only from ambition. It comes from something deeper.
Keeping busy has always kept me safe. Moving quickly, pushing forward, staying in motion, it has been a way to avoid sitting in what feels uncertain, uncomfortable, unknown. If I keep going, I do not have to feel everything. So when I begin to find my voice, when I begin to see what could be built, I want to accelerate. I want to arrive. But nature does not rush toward arrival.
Rivers move steadily, not frantically. They carve canyons over time, not overnight. Trees do not force their growth, they stand, they root, they expand season by season. Even the loudest storms pass, and what remains is stillness.
I am learning that having a voice does not require urgency. It requires presence.
There is an article from Psychology Today that explains this clearly - how chronic busyness can become a way of avoiding painful or uncomfortable emotions, a form of protection that keeps us from having to sit with what is underneath.
That resonates more than I would like because what I am being asked to do now is different; to sit in the moment, to be present, to value the quality of a moment, not the number of moments I can produce.
This feels slower, quieter, less urgent. And yet, somehow, more true. So this is my next return. Not just coming back to my work, but coming back to how I move through it. Less rushing, more rooting, with my older daughter’s voice in my head reminding me to “keep it simple.”
~ julie
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Note: JM Lane is NOT a mental health professional, nor does she carry a license to practice medicine. Posts, blogs, and content are based on JM Lane’s personal experiences, perceptions, and reflections. By no means does any material convey what others should or should not do.
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