Feeling Lighter ~

Lately, I have been feeling lighter. Perhaps literally, as the weight slowly comes off. But what I really mean is something deeper. There is a lightness that comes when life begins to settle into a rhythm that feels sustainable rather than hurried. For the first time in a long time, I do not feel as though I am chasing my life. I feel as though I am living it.

I have been getting to the gym every day, sometimes twice a day. My eating is holding steady, and I am beginning to trust that I no longer need to fight with food. I look forward to each day, not because every task is exciting, but because each task moves me one step closer to the life I have been building.

One of the biggest changes has been consistency. Each day I prep, research, and write another section of The Gifts of the Special Educator. Rather than waiting for inspiration, I simply sit down and write. My harp practice has become more consistent as well, and I am well on my way to completing two new arrangements during this first quarter of my fiscal year. Those small daily investments are adding up in ways I could not see only a few months ago.

Even needlepoint has found its way back into my week. At least once each week, I sit quietly with a canvas in my lap, one stitch at a time. There is something deeply peaceful about creating slowly, without deadlines or expectations.

And, with one day each week set aside for rest, I am consistently reaching my goal of 15,000 steps a day. That number is less about fitness than it is about caring for the body that has carried me through so much.

I still think about Bozeman often. There is something about that community that continues to draw me back. It has so many of the small businesses I enjoy, beautiful mountain scenery, and, perhaps most importantly, my therapist. I can imagine returning there for a season, allowing myself the consistency of continued healing while continuing to build the work of juliemlane.com.

But I also know that dream depends on something else. Not simply finances. Community.

I find myself thinking more about building connections where I am. Finding people who value thoughtful conversation. Becoming involved in my local community. Perhaps connecting through El Dorado County as I establish my businesses. Perhaps finding a church where grace is lived more than argued.

The older I become, the less interested I am in deciding who is right and who is wrong. My faith has become quieter than that. I believe I am called to love people, to share my faith when invited, and to trust that each of us will one day stand before God ourselves. Judgment belongs to Him, not to me.

I recently came across an article from the NHS about mindfulness that reminded me how much of life is spent either replaying yesterday or worrying about tomorrow. The article suggests that paying attention to the present moment helps us appreciate life more deeply, understand ourselves more fully, and recognize what is already good. Reading it, I realized that perhaps the peace I experience while driving through the Sierra Nevadas is not created by the mountains alone. The mountains simply slow me down enough to notice what has been there all along.

Maybe that is why I feel lighter. Not because life has become easier. But because I have become more intentional. The place I need to find is not somewhere on a map. It is not another mountain town, another house, another accomplishment, or another chapter completed. The place I have been searching for resides quietly within me. The mountains simply remind me that it is there.

What daily rhythms help you feel more grounded and more like yourself? I would love to hear what has brought steadiness into your own life.

~ julie

If you feel so inclined, please reply with your thoughts.

Note: JM Lane is NOT a mental health professional, nor does she carry a license to practice medicine. Posts, blogs, and content are based on JM Lane’s personal experiences, perceptions, and reflections. By no means does any material convey what others should or should not do.

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