Holding the Course ~

It is so bloody hot. There really is no more eloquent way for me to say it.

The heat drains me. I feel as though I spend the entire day drinking fluids, trying to stay ahead of the heat only to find myself tired and sometimes lightheaded by the end of the day. I had forgotten how much summer heat affects my energy. My mind is excited. My body is saying something entirely different. And yet, there is so much I am excited about.

I have found a fiscal sponsor, which opens possibilities for grant-funded programming connected to storytelling, reflection, and music. I am beginning to explore partnerships in California, Nevada, and Montana. Ideas are moving. Conversations are happening. Pieces that once felt disconnected are beginning to find one another.

I want to plunge into this work. I want to write. Create. Research. Arrange. Record. Build programming. Sit with people in physical spaces and create opportunities for connection and reflection. I want to leave the job that funds the work and simply do the work. But I cannot. Not yet.

The budget is tight. Very tight. Passion does not pay the bills simply because I love what I am creating. Behind on some. Right on target with others. So, I keep going to work while building the life I hope will eventually become my work.

Maybe this is why I keep looking at the oversized Post-it notes covering my wall. They remind me of my direction when impatience begins to take over. Stability and momentum. Not rapid expansion. Protect my rhythm. Maintain realistic priorities. Weekly deliverables. Quarterly focus.

I recently read information from the CDC about heat and the body. Heat exhaustion can develop when the body loses too much water and salt through sweating, and symptoms can include dizziness, weakness, thirst, and fatigue. It reminded me that sometimes the body is not lacking motivation; sometimes it is working very hard simply to maintain balance.

Nature understands seasons of conservation. In the Sierra foothills, the landscape changes as summer heat settles in. Grasses dry. Creeks slow. Animals seek shade. Energy is preserved for what is necessary. Perhaps I need to pay attention.

I am not losing momentum. I am not losing my excitement. In fact, I may be more excited about the future of my work than I have ever been. I simply cannot do everything today. The work is growing. The opportunities are beginning to appear. My direction is becoming clearer.

For now, I need to hold the course, protect my energy, and trust the plan I have already placed on the wall.

What dream are you building slowly, even when you wish you could simply plunge into it today?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

~ julie

If you feel so inclined, please reply with your thoughts.

Note: JM Lane is NOT a mental health professional, nor does she carry a license to practice medicine. Posts, blogs, and content are based on JM Lane’s personal experiences, perceptions, and reflections. By no means does any material convey what others should or should not do.

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