An Empty Shell ~

“Home Sweet Home.” “Home is where the Heart is.” “Home is where you are.” Over the years, I have heard these phrases and many more that describe one’s house as a home. A house is a structure. Home is a place where one feels comfortable, safe, and a place of belonging. Hmmm…

I have had few places that I wouldn’t call home primarily because they were not safe. My current house provides me with peace and quiet, yet I would not call it home. My last husband decided to move from where we lived in Montana to Reno (where I currently live) about 18 months ago. Since his arrival, I have felt uncomfortable and unsafe. I am unclear as to why he moved here. He knows no one here but me. His entire family lives in three other states. Why, oh why? My house is no longer my home. I no longer feel safe and comfortable. I see him on the road from time to time. I know he knows where I live. I’ve seen him in the parking lots of stores where I shop. He never physically hurt me; he threatened me a couple of times. His verbal abuse, though, gets to the point of raging, and I just do not want to live near him. I just cannot believe he came here.

I have been packing up my house getting it ready to lease since this economy is preventing me from selling. (I am disappointed that I need to put the tiny home on hold for a couple of years.) The house is now almost a shell that has housed my wares and is almost an empty shell as I have packed up, donated, sold, and placed in storage my worldly goods. As I have taken the steps to empty my home, I am also realizing that I am emptying myself. I do not mean that in a bad way. Yes, I have been devoid of emotions, of who I want to be, of being shunned, and so much more. But this emptying is actually the letting go of the past. It’s uplifting; setting free; no more “shoulds” or “should nots.”

I am excited about being able to spend so much time on my projects once all the packing is done. It makes me happy. Yes, I can actually feel happiness, excitement, peace, and opportunities. Creating a schedule that does not include house work and yard work is really amazing. I need to spend as much time as possible on my purpose. I can feel the call to do the work. Who knows what lies ahead, but I sense good things. Starting June 1, my mind will be all about the work.

With excitement ~ julie

If you feel so inclined, please reply with your thoughts.

Note: JM Lane is NOT a mental health professional, nor does she carry a license to practice medicine. Posts, blogs, and content are based on JM Lane’s personal experiences, perceptions, and reflections. By no means does any material convey what others should or should not do.