When It Rains ~

When it rains, it pours. That seems to be the theme around here lately. My knee is still bothering me. The Baker's cyst is still there, although I finally have an appointment and hopefully will begin getting some answers.

Then there is my car.

I managed to do some damage to it myself. No accident involving anyone else. Just a moment when I was overly tired, had far too many things running through my head, and apparently was not paying enough attention to what I was doing. The result was a week and a half without my car while it was put back together. Frustrating. Expensive. Inconvenient. But I don't think it was stupid. Actually, the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether it was another reminder of something I keep writing about: I carry a lot in my head.

Work. High Meadow Projects. Redeem Thyself. 7 Pedals. Grants. Partnerships. Writing. Music. Money. My knee. Where I am going to live. Montana. My daughters and their families. Therapy. The next thing I need to do. And usually the thing after that.

I like being busy. I like having ideas. I like waking up excited about what I am creating. But there is a difference between being energized and being overloaded. I am not always very good at recognizing when I have crossed that line. Maybe the car was another reminder. Slow down. Pay attention to where I actually am.

Not where I am going next. Not what I need to accomplish tomorrow. Right here. That is apparently still something I am learning. And now September is almost here.

On September 5, I head back to Montana for two weeks. I am looking forward to it. Really looking forward to it. Cooler temperatures alone sound glorious right now. But there are also the mountains. The views. The openness. Places that have become familiar to me over the years.

Therapy will be part of the trip. There are things I know I want to continue working through, and probably things I do not yet know are waiting for me. Then there is High Meadow Projects.

I will be making some visits while I am there, having conversations, exploring possible partnerships, and seeing what might develop. I am trying not to decide ahead of time what any of those conversations are supposed to become.

That is hard for me. I like plans. I like outcomes. I like knowing the next step before I finish the current one. But perhaps this trip needs some room. I keep thinking about what happens after a summer storm in the mountains. Everything looks disorganized for a while. Branches across the trail. Pine cones scattered everywhere. Dirt and rocks moved by rushing water. Sometimes an entire tree comes down.

Then the clouds move away. The trail is still there. Maybe that is where I am right now. Things feel a little scattered. Some things are broken. Some things are healing. Some things cost more money than I would like. Some plans are becoming clearer while others remain completely unknown.

But the trail is still there. And I am still on it. That actually means something to me now because not that long ago I wrote about realizing that I never believed I was allowed on the trail at all. Maybe I do not need August to end with everything resolved. Maybe I can simply head into September knowing I am still moving. A little battered. A little tired. Definitely ready for cooler weather. But moving. And perhaps I will know more when I come back down from the mountains. Or maybe I won't. We'll see.

When life seems to pile one thing on top of another, what helps you remember that a difficult stretch of the trail is not necessarily the wrong trail?

If you feel so inclined, please reply with your thoughts.

Kindly ~ julie

Note: JM Lane is NOT a mental health professional, nor does she carry a license to practice medicine. Posts, blogs, and content are based on JM Lane's personal experiences, perceptions, and reflections. By no means does any material convey what others should or should not do.

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